Caramel Apples

Before I got braces, I really really wanted them.  I also wanted glasses and a cast (preferably arm, but I would have made do with a leg).  I’m sure any therapist worth his or her $200 an hour fee would tell you what I really wanted was attention, even in the form of teasing and taunting, but because I went to a school full of nerdy people–even the coolest kids crammed around our old school Apple computers and played Oregon Trail at lunch–having braces and glasses would barely have gotten me noticed.  Unfortunately, thanks to all the carrots I ate, my eyesight was 20/20 (although I did try to fail an eye exam, but took it too far and had a very alarmed school nurse thinking I was legally blind) and I was never adventurous enough to break an arm, but luckily my teeth were a mess.  I’m sure there was a bidding war in the back of the orthodontist’s office to fill my mouth with metal.  I mean, at one point there was talk of breaking my jaw to align my teeth.  So, months before turning 14 I got my wish for braces and they were all I hoped for.

That is, of course, until I was approaching my 16th birthday.  What almost 16 year old wants braces?? I threatened to remove them myself if Dr. G didn’t take them off for me.  I even convinced the man to up the ante in the months leading up to my birthday by removing the wires and giving me a mouth guard to speed up the process (I, of course, did not think of the fact that the mouth guard would prevent me from talking, which I’m sure is why he went for it.  Luckily I only had to wear it while I slept). 

Anyhoo.  The braces came off days before my 16th birthday and the first thing I wanted was a caramel apple.  Obviously they were verboten while I had braces, but even before I’d never been able to eat one right off the stick, because my top and bottom teeth didn’t meet in the middle (you thought I was kidding about how crazy they were, didn’t you??).  I always had to cut them up, which really defeated the purpose.  So, I wanted to bite into a caramel apple and drink sugary drinks and eat Cheetos to my heart’s content.  I was totally foiled though, because my birthday is in July and there was nary a caramel apple to be found.  But I kept my dreams alive and at the first whiff of fall I went in search of caramel to make my own batch of apples.  This is where the shininess of youth starts to color your recollections, because as I remember it all I had to do was melt the caramel, dip my apples in, let them cool and voila! Happiness at my fingertips. 

This go round? Not so much.  First of all, there were no sticks in the bag of caramel like I remember, so I had to schlep to Michaels (usually a happy experience, but I was on a mission) and then it took me forever to actually get them in the apples.  As for the melting of the caramel, I admit that I didn’t follow the package directions completely–I used a double boiler instead of melting it down–but I really don’t remember nearly getting third degree burns while dipping the apples.  Melted caramel is hot, kids! You heard it here first.

In the end, an apple covered in caramel is never a bad thing, no matter the process to get there, so hopefully they’ll make your Halloween to-do list.  As for my teeth, they’ve shifted a bit (I actually went to talk to Dr. G about it last summer and he was SALTY. Like I had done his good work a disservice.  He retired soon after…). I still don’t wear glasses and have no desire for a broken arm or leg any longer.  My need for attention, though, has grown significantly…

Caramel Apples

• 1 bag Kraft caramels
• 5 apples
• lots of patience

We’re going super simple on the recipe today.  Follow the directions on the back of the bag of Kraft caramels.  Don’t be foolish (like me) and try to invent your own.

Kettle Corn

I have this obsession with State Fairs. 

Shall I start from the beginning on that one?  My good friend Michelle, who used to write with me here (and who we hope comes back one day!) moved to Milwaukee several summers ago and both of us being city girls thought that the idea of a state fair sounded like one of the most fun things ever in life.  We’d never been to one, and the fact that Wisconsin’s fair is in the middle of Milwaukee made our little city hearts happy, because we’d get to experience this decidedly un-urban thing without getting too far out of our comfort zone. 

If you haven’t ever been to a state fair, I really suggest you find out where yours is taking place this year and head on out, because, honestly? Best thing ever.  Besides the rides, games and odd mix of mullets and leather jackets, the amount of food that is available is astonishing.  Corn dogs, cotton candy, fresh milk, cream puffs, every flavor of beer imaginable, cheese curds, elephant ears, candy apples… And that’s just at the entrance.  Once you get into the fair, there are entire pavilions dedicated to food and drinks and things that I didn’t know you could eat (crocodile, anyone?).  What really gets me is that each fair is a total love fest for the state (I recognize that is a completely obvious statement, but until you’ve seen an entire barn the size of a two football fields dedicated to Wisconsin dairy products–including 3 different grilled cheese stations–you really don’t get it).  I hear that Iowa has a huge cow made out of butter for the love of all things good! 

So, kettle corn is the most tame of anything you’ll find at the fair, and to be honest, I don’t know that it even made my list of things to taste, but when I buy it in the store (at an outrageous $5 a bag. Seriously??), reference is always made to how it’s the ultimate in state fair fare.  Since I grew up in the era of Jiffy Pop, I’d never actually made popcorn on the stove with loose kernels.  That, and the fact that I was always afraid that a stray kernel would take an eye out. 

But I was staring at a bag of yellow kernels the other day (ok, I’ll admit I was debating the merits of having popcorn for dinner.  High in fiber! Low calorie!) and I thought it’d be good to be able to make my own kettle corn for those times when it’s late at night and I’m on a sweet/savory merry-go-round.

Lucky for me, it’s super easy and although I did fear losing an eye at one point, all turned out well in the end. 

I’d add a bit more salt to really get the salty-sweet combo, but it hit the spot.  And the next day my kitchen smelled like caramel.  Of course, this is no substitute for the real deal as we watch a hog calling contest.  Who’s in? Illinois State Fair

Sweet & Salty Kettle Corn (via Rachael Ray):

• 1/4 cup vegetable oil
• 1/2 cup popcorn kernels
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 teaspoon coarse salt

In a large pot with a tight-fitting lid, heat the oil over medium-high heat.  Add the popcorn. When the oils sizzles, sprinkle the sugar over the kernels. Cover and shake the pan until the popping slows down, about 3 minutes. Remove from the heat and toss with the salt.

Doughnut Holes

I’m always looking for new recipes to test and make part of my go-to list, which in reality means that I’m always finding recipes and filing them away and then making myself feel really guilty for not trying them.  This was bad enough years ago when Food Network only showed Emeril Live and Ming Tsai and when epicurious.com was just a glimmer in Al Gore’s eye and I had to clip recipes from magazines, but now with the explosion of all of these cooking shows (have you ever watched Cake Boss? I have a ridiculous crush on Buddy and his ability to make cakes in the shape of anything under the sun) and food websites, the countless recipes and ensuing guilt just about swallow me up. [insert deep dramatic sigh here]  I have about 200 recipes I’ve been meaning to try (this does not include all of the cookbooks I’ve used one or two times).

I watched Giada De Laurentiis make doughnuts sometime last winter, and I never had any occasion to try them until this weekend when I needed something tasty to take to a brunch with friends.  I’m not a huge doughnut fan, which is odd since fried dough + sugar = 20 kinds of happiness, but Giada just made them look so fun! and easy! and so super cute!  She used pre-made pizza dough to make doughnuts and doughnut holes and really, nothing could be simpler. 

I did a test run of the doughnut holes on Saturday and the hardest part was not eating the entire batch in one sitting.  The fact that they are incredibly easy came in handy on Sunday morning when I made the real deal after spending a bit too much time gallivanting on Saturday night and got home oh, 5 hours before I needed to get up and start rolling out dough.  

I ended up making powdered sugar and cinnamon sugar ones and they were soft and chewy hours after I made them (some reviews online said that they got hard after a few hours).  No one believed that I’d actually made them, which I think is a sign of success. So yeah! for me… Only 199 recipes to go…

Italian Doughnuts (I’m not actually sure why they’re considered Italian, other than they were made by an Italian person) courtesy of Giada De Laurentiis